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圆舞:人在少年 梦中不觉 醒后要归去April 04 。一周三跑。是以为记,坚持坚持。
村上获耶路撒冷文学奖的讲辞。存放在此。I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies. Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and military men tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling them. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be? My answer would be this: Namely, that by telling skillful lies - which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true - the novelist can bring a truth out to a new location and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth lies within us. This is an important qualification for making up good lies. So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came. The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people. Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott. Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands. And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing. This is not to say that I am here to deliver a political message. To make judgments about right and wrong is one of the novelist's most important duties, of course. It is left to each writer, however, to decide upon the form in which he or she will convey those judgments to others. I myself prefer to transform them into stories - stories that tend toward the surreal. Which is why I do not intend to stand before you today delivering a direct political message. Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this: "Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg." Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be? What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor. This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically. I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness. My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war. He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him. My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important. I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together. Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System. That is all I have to say to you. I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today. April 02 。去年收到过一本笔记本。友从日本带回来的。日本很擅长做的那种小物件。
外层附有覆膜的封套包装。名字叫做“2009的记录”。以简单又直接的方式进入视野。底部像本小说书一样印着“新潮文库”这种类似出版社意味的名字。而封套去掉,封面是泛黄的颜色。内里有以月区分的目录。一月是一个起始页面。一月一日后面的标识是“木”,木耀日。二日是金,三日是土,以此类推。
本子不能以美来形容。我也并非收集本子的人。只是它却浑身散发出质朴本然的气息,虽也显然也是营造出的调调,还是叫人心生喜欢的。
可是该拿它来写什么呢,是个疑问。绝不会是日记吧,并非一个懂得写具化事件日志的人。
而一直到,最近的某一天才用上了它。是开始跑步的日子。至少一周一次的坚持。到大概第三次的时候突然有了小小的愉悦感。这种坚持使人觉得还未完全被有序的忙碌的工作所吞噬。这点点的时间是属于自己,受到控制,且总算让生活可以离不健康稍稍远那么一步。某次跑步结束回家的路上,买了那本村上君谈跑步的书籍,这已然被介绍到变成一本绝对的热门书籍了。而翻开首页,是的,他的序,便让人喜欢起来。看他的散文系列,是第一次吧这样很明显的直觉的喜欢读,在车上就一直都下去。于是想起来,不如把这些话誊抄到了2009记录里面。
那天我想,大概每天能誊抄到一句有所感触的话语至此,都会是有些开心的。因为那就说明,有那么一点点独属于我的时间,看了什么又想到过什么。这天便有点小不同。
开心还可以是怎样呢。
又或者是某个太阳好的不得了的日子,喜欢的店,人也不是那么多,老虎天窗底下虽然狭窄的空间,敷太阳吃个午饭喝杯茶,偶尔窗外望出去,处处有绿意提醒是春天在接近,周围也都是颇破旧充斥着居民气息的旧楼,但其实这才是上海,就觉的欢喜又亲近。最重要,当想喝杯茶,转街过巷想寻觅一个有露台的店,居然从此处望到对面,惊喜找到开满杜鹃的阳台近在咫尺。只是登高望远才是王道。就坐一会会儿,似有若无地叨些话。一点点的中午时间被延绵展开来。
又或者像今天。也是开心的。虽有继续各式忙碌的麻烦的纠结的细节时时发生(不可避免吧也),但买到本很想买的书以及辗转反复终买到期待中的碟,从拿到手到终观看的过程,期冀让一切变得很美丽。现在就去看了:)
October 25 福开森路.那是一条 19世纪末辟筑的法租界马路,到20世纪30年代后,成为法租界内花园住宅的代表性路段.
不宽,幽静,行道树丰茂,两面都是花园住宅和老式的公寓,风格多样. 上海各个时期的名人住宅分散在公寓和洋房中,著名的电影演员孙道临曾住在路口的诺曼底公园大楼里,著名的民国时期总理唐 绍仪被暗杀在路尾的西班牙式洋房中,著名的海派画家陈逸飞从美国归来的第一个落脚点在一条窄弄堂深处的80年代新公寓房里, 而张爱玲的小说色戒中,乱世中用来偷情,那落满了细尘的小公寓,也在这里。 它从前的名字,叫做福开森路。 一条以美国传教士的名字命名的马路。 来自《永不拓宽的街道》。
从外滩中山东一路,开始细述,圆明园路,虎丘路,复兴路,长乐路,乌鲁木齐路,湖南路,华亭路,五原路,东湖路,等等等等,最终在武康路落脚结束,也就是永不拓宽的福开森路。 是从最后一篇的武康路看起的。很爱这。且恰巧最近常常走过。
从华山路,到复兴路,再到武康路,一路往南,一直到对有些人而言可能是熟悉的淮海路但并不熟络的角落。而在即将热闹起来的某处,邂逅一座殖民气息红砖房子后,掩映着工业房子,相互依照并不唐突。却让人乍然想到了曼彻斯特,一座很多红砖房的工业城。 对一个城市最深的感情和记忆,其实总是交叠着这些老房子的故事的吧。你看到它们,脑中可浮现种种的画面感。故事不断。
这本书来自陈丹燕,她写起这座我城,总叫人非常爱读。
August 09 .城市渐渐沉寂下来的时候,
特为来到HKU
又回到了,中环! 而夜晚总是很迷离. 我想起他唱,怪异的夜色太动人! 照片上会有最美丽的云;其实当天太热了. 回到星街. 就在太古广场3期旁边.
August 05 .而当我在越过上海高架时,
果然想到了,
铜罗湾暴走的夜夜夜夜.
骆克道告士打道和百德新街.
维多利亚公园的流浪猫.
夜晚绿色围绕的公园,空气不如想象中清新.
走过,不停地走过,还有天桥,终于到达曾以为很近的海.海边的游艇.对岸的朦胧灯色与山的轮廓.
仍许多车辆穿梭而过.
夜已深.
山顶的万丈高楼,点点灯光.城市夜晚的天际线.
太多人.好吵闹.
这夜色是我的.
在印象里,在眼前,并在当时就知会不停存于奔向未来的记忆里.
这么近.那么远.
山顶仍然永是我会行到的一站目的地.
终于乘到梦寐以求的15路.并且是上层.
盘旋而下.
经过一些半山的高楼.
一直到去到中环下车.
而,当身处中环,
对着HSBC大厦,它24小时工作,不停歇.
斜下的空地,曾办了CHANEL MOBILE ART.
正下便是立法院.
在哪里.在哪里见过你.
而薄扶林道,它通向HKU.
陆佑堂若你们看见便都不会陌生.
上上下下的台阶路,
玻璃之城的幻化.
假想70年代的大学 生大概亦真的是如那样吧.
我无法叙述每日无法睡醒貌似亢奋却YOGA卡永远只去得了头三次的每一日,
从上班到下班,一直到变成硬颈;
头颈肩膀背部的疼痛,有时是偏头痛,
可以自嘲的语气提及种种痛,
却其实是想起黄碧云描述过的疼痛感.
间或,起不来又匆忙的早晨,
不得不想起黄写起的"呕吐".
不是文艺或夸张.是如此种种变做了对读过的文的二次理解.
幸好的是,若可去到这里或那里,便总可杂碎讲说到达过的某城.
这比现世生活精彩紧凑的多.也短暂易逝的快.
毫无意义的字.又漫溢小情绪.
我不会焦虑于时间的流逝.
但确实,会害怕到不了更多的地方.
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