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圆舞:人在少年 梦中不觉 醒后要归去

16 November

一直有音乐能感受,和,感动。真好。
02 September

多久

有多久,没有在周末走过一条小马路,慢慢喝过一杯茶。
有多久,没有写过字。床边的书越堆越高,每本想看的书结果却只在每夜睡前翻几页,而读至中途莫名再换一本。
有多久,片子越买越多。却一直坐下看一部打动你心的电影呢。有多久,没有为听到一首瞬间抓得耳朵的曲子,而暗自欣喜。
有多久,不敢去奢望过一种不一样的生活。将那念头提起了,却又放下来。
有多久,去了一个地方,喜欢的地方,有难忘的片段,常常想再去到那里,却居然连照片上传,写下来些片段的时间都变成没有。
空闲的话,却只想休息,休息,再休息。偶尔的房间整理都叫人异常疲累。真的是很累啊。
而面对于这样的1日24小时,大脑皮层能被开发的空间都已被使用,只有重复的倦怠。因为没有补充过,学习过,感受过,体验过,大力深呼吸过,所以没的新进展。
对的,很讨厌这感觉。写不出来的那些字。拍不出来的那些照。渐行渐远的那些好情绪。
 
而至于4月底去过的日本,我该说些什么呢。是那么好的旅行,之前很期待,尔后又很回味。但是不知道从何记起了呢。
我会记得:东京自由行的那日,穿梭在地铁,JR的寻找与满足的过程。
明治神宫满溢的绿色,石子路上走路有声。安静别致的美。
表参道,比起街旁的商店,那街边的树木自是更令人热爱。
新宿热闹异常。而找到东京都厅。专程等待黄昏瞬间抵达,且夜幕渐降临,感觉很微妙,而在东京都厅49楼酒吧,找到一杯BOWMORE。久违了,BOWMORE,自苏格兰带回那一小瓶BOWMORE,闻起来都觉得醇香蔓延,才知道威士忌的好,也好在它味道气息的复杂,那复杂夹杂了许多年沉淀的魅力。重新吸入这味道时,看着远方却仍闪亮的东京铁塔,伴奏的音乐熟悉而具有90年代日剧的怀旧却不显老套,温馨得很。面前那位70多岁了,并担当做了40多年的酒保,是那样气定神闲专注做事的气质。
而关于京都。
要如何去形容京都呢。
再回来了之后,某篇文章中看见对方说,京都是一个与时间为难的城市。
我想,果然,果然就是这样呢。
不是那么的华美。但这种朴实与静止,却让人感到古城的寂美,一切都沉静了下来。没有嘈杂与浮躁。只是停留的时间太短暂。每一刻在车上的时刻都想下车,可以走走,可以拍照。而当自圆山公园出来,居然看到了一泽帆布,是Ming介绍过的古店呢。不过不知道将发现的喜悦告诉谁。
 
写到这里,想传图又传不上来:(
05 April

 
 
 
 
 
 
04 April

一周三跑。是以为记,坚持坚持。
 
 

村上获耶路撒冷文学奖的讲辞。存放在此。

I have come to Jerusalem today as a novelist, which is to say as a professional spinner of lies.

Of course, novelists are not the only ones who tell lies. Politicians do it, too, as we all know. Diplomats and military men tell their own kinds of lies on occasion, as do used car salesmen, butchers and builders. The lies of novelists differ from others, however, in that no one criticizes the novelist as immoral for telling them. Indeed, the bigger and better his lies and the more ingeniously he creates them, the more he is likely to be praised by the public and the critics. Why should that be?

My answer would be this: Namely, that by telling skillful lies - which is to say, by making up fictions that appear to be true - the novelist can bring a truth out to a new location and shine a new light on it. In most cases, it is virtually impossible to grasp a truth in its original form and depict it accurately. This is why we try to grab its tail by luring the truth from its hiding place, transferring it to a fictional location, and replacing it with a fictional form. In order to accomplish this, however, we first have to clarify where the truth lies within us. This is an important qualification for making up good lies.

Today, however, I have no intention of lying. I will try to be as honest as I can. There are a few days in the year when I do not engage in telling lies, and today happens to be one of them.

So let me tell you the truth. A fair number of people advised me not to come here to accept the Jerusalem Prize. Some even warned me they would instigate a boycott of my books if I came.

The reason for this, of course, was the fierce battle that was raging in Gaza. The UN reported that more than a thousand people had lost their lives in the blockaded Gaza City, many of them unarmed citizens - children and old people.

Any number of times after receiving notice of the award, I asked myself whether traveling to Israel at a time like this and accepting a literary prize was the proper thing to do, whether this would create the impression that I supported one side in the conflict, that I endorsed the policies of a nation that chose to unleash its overwhelming military power. This is an impression, of course, that I would not wish to give. I do not approve of any war, and I do not support any nation. Neither, of course, do I wish to see my books subjected to a boycott.

Finally, however, after careful consideration, I made up my mind to come here. One reason for my decision was that all too many people advised me not to do it. Perhaps, like many other novelists, I tend to do the exact opposite of what I am told. If people are telling me - and especially if they are warning me - "don't go there," "don't do that," I tend to want to "go there" and "do that." It's in my nature, you might say, as a novelist. Novelists are a special breed. They cannot genuinely trust anything they have not seen with their own eyes or touched with their own hands.

And that is why I am here. I chose to come here rather than stay away. I chose to see for myself rather than not to see. I chose to speak to you rather than to say nothing.

This is not to say that I am here to deliver a political message. To make judgments about right and wrong is one of the novelist's most important duties, of course.

It is left to each writer, however, to decide upon the form in which he or she will convey those judgments to others. I myself prefer to transform them into stories - stories that tend toward the surreal. Which is why I do not intend to stand before you today delivering a direct political message.

Please do, however, allow me to deliver one very personal message. It is something that I always keep in mind while I am writing fiction. I have never gone so far as to write it on a piece of paper and paste it to the wall: Rather, it is carved into the wall of my mind, and it goes something like this:

"Between a high, solid wall and an egg that breaks against it, I will always stand on the side of the egg."

Yes, no matter how right the wall may be and how wrong the egg, I will stand with the egg. Someone else will have to decide what is right and what is wrong; perhaps time or history will decide. If there were a novelist who, for whatever reason, wrote works standing with the wall, of what value would such works be?

What is the meaning of this metaphor? In some cases, it is all too simple and clear. Bombers and tanks and rockets and white phosphorus shells are that high, solid wall. The eggs are the unarmed civilians who are crushed and burned and shot by them. This is one meaning of the metaphor.

This is not all, though. It carries a deeper meaning. Think of it this way. Each of us is, more or less, an egg. Each of us is a unique, irreplaceable soul enclosed in a fragile shell. This is true of me, and it is true of each of you. And each of us, to a greater or lesser degree, is confronting a high, solid wall. The wall has a name: It is The System. The System is supposed to protect us, but sometimes it takes on a life of its own, and then it begins to kill us and cause us to kill others - coldly, efficiently, systematically.

I have only one reason to write novels, and that is to bring the dignity of the individual soul to the surface and shine a light upon it. The purpose of a story is to sound an alarm, to keep a light trained on The System in order to prevent it from tangling our souls in its web and demeaning them. I fully believe it is the novelist's job to keep trying to clarify the uniqueness of each individual soul by writing stories - stories of life and death, stories of love, stories that make people cry and quake with fear and shake with laughter. This is why we go on, day after day, concocting fictions with utter seriousness.

My father died last year at the age of 90. He was a retired teacher and a part-time Buddhist priest. When he was in graduate school, he was drafted into the army and sent to fight in China. As a child born after the war, I used to see him every morning before breakfast offering up long, deeply-felt prayers at the Buddhist altar in our house. One time I asked him why he did this, and he told me he was praying for the people who had died in the war.

He was praying for all the people who died, he said, both ally and enemy alike. Staring at his back as he knelt at the altar, I seemed to feel the shadow of death hovering around him.

My father died, and with him he took his memories, memories that I can never know. But the presence of death that lurked about him remains in my own memory. It is one of the few things I carry on from him, and one of the most important.

I have only one thing I hope to convey to you today. We are all human beings, individuals transcending nationality and race and religion, fragile eggs faced with a solid wall called The System. To all appearances, we have no hope of winning. The wall is too high, too strong - and too cold. If we have any hope of victory at all, it will have to come from our believing in the utter uniqueness and irreplaceability of our own and others' souls and from the warmth we gain by joining souls together.

Take a moment to think about this. Each of us possesses a tangible, living soul. The System has no such thing. We must not allow The System to exploit us. We must not allow The System to take on a life of its own. The System did not make us: We made The System.

That is all I have to say to you.

I am grateful to have been awarded the Jerusalem Prize. I am grateful that my books are being read by people in many parts of the world. And I am glad to have had the opportunity to speak to you here today.

02 April

去年收到过一本笔记本。友从日本带回来的。日本很擅长做的那种小物件。
外层附有覆膜的封套包装。名字叫做“2009的记录”。以简单又直接的方式进入视野。底部像本小说书一样印着“新潮文库”这种类似出版社意味的名字。而封套去掉,封面是泛黄的颜色。内里有以月区分的目录。一月是一个起始页面。一月一日后面的标识是“木”,木耀日。二日是金,三日是土,以此类推。
本子不能以美来形容。我也并非收集本子的人。只是它却浑身散发出质朴本然的气息,虽也显然也是营造出的调调,还是叫人心生喜欢的。
可是该拿它来写什么呢,是个疑问。绝不会是日记吧,并非一个懂得写具化事件日志的人。
而一直到,最近的某一天才用上了它。是开始跑步的日子。至少一周一次的坚持。到大概第三次的时候突然有了小小的愉悦感。这种坚持使人觉得还未完全被有序的忙碌的工作所吞噬。这点点的时间是属于自己,受到控制,且总算让生活可以离不健康稍稍远那么一步。某次跑步结束回家的路上,买了那本村上君谈跑步的书籍,这已然被介绍到变成一本绝对的热门书籍了。而翻开首页,是的,他的序,便让人喜欢起来。看他的散文系列,是第一次吧这样很明显的直觉的喜欢读,在车上就一直都下去。于是想起来,不如把这些话誊抄到了2009记录里面。
那天我想,大概每天能誊抄到一句有所感触的话语至此,都会是有些开心的。因为那就说明,有那么一点点独属于我的时间,看了什么又想到过什么。这天便有点小不同。
开心还可以是怎样呢。
又或者是某个太阳好的不得了的日子,喜欢的店,人也不是那么多,老虎天窗底下虽然狭窄的空间,敷太阳吃个午饭喝杯茶,偶尔窗外望出去,处处有绿意提醒是春天在接近,周围也都是颇破旧充斥着居民气息的旧楼,但其实这才是上海,就觉的欢喜又亲近。最重要,当想喝杯茶,转街过巷想寻觅一个有露台的店,居然从此处望到对面,惊喜找到开满杜鹃的阳台近在咫尺。只是登高望远才是王道。就坐一会会儿,似有若无地叨些话。一点点的中午时间被延绵展开来。
又或者像今天。也是开心的。虽有继续各式忙碌的麻烦的纠结的细节时时发生(不可避免吧也),但买到本很想买的书以及辗转反复终买到期待中的碟,从拿到手到终观看的过程,期冀让一切变得很美丽。现在就去看了:)
 
25 Oktober

福开森路.

那是一条 19世纪末辟筑的法租界马路,到20世纪30年代后,成为法租界内花园住宅的代表性路段.
不宽,幽静,行道树丰茂,两面都是花园住宅和老式的公寓,风格多样.
上海各个时期的名人住宅分散在公寓和洋房中,著名的电影演员孙道临曾住在路口的诺曼底公园大楼里,著名的民国时期总理唐
绍仪被暗杀在路尾的西班牙式洋房中,著名的海派画家陈逸飞从美国归来的第一个落脚点在一条窄弄堂深处的80年代新公寓房里,
而张爱玲的小说色戒中,乱世中用来偷情,那落满了细尘的小公寓,也在这里。
它从前的名字,叫做福开森路。
一条以美国传教士的名字命名的马路。
 
来自《永不拓宽的街道》。
从外滩中山东一路,开始细述,圆明园路,虎丘路,复兴路,长乐路,乌鲁木齐路,湖南路,华亭路,五原路,东湖路,等等等等,最终在武康路落脚结束,也就是永不拓宽的福开森路。
 
是从最后一篇的武康路看起的。很爱这。且恰巧最近常常走过。
从华山路,到复兴路,再到武康路,一路往南,一直到对有些人而言可能是熟悉的淮海路但并不熟络的角落。而在即将热闹起来的某处,邂逅一座殖民气息红砖房子后,掩映着工业房子,相互依照并不唐突。却让人乍然想到了曼彻斯特,一座很多红砖房的工业城。
 
对一个城市最深的感情和记忆,其实总是交叠着这些老房子的故事的吧。你看到它们,脑中可浮现种种的画面感。故事不断。
这本书来自陈丹燕,她写起这座我城,总叫人非常爱读。
 
28 September

.

确实我忽略这里 又关闭了这里.而这里也确实是不大好用的。
可是也不能这样吧. 咋再来时,照片 都统统消失看不见了呢.
靠,是从无比早就开始上传的呀.真不靠谱.
 
BALI  
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